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Saturday, July 07, 2007


everything seems changed....nothing seems e same anymores....what should i say.....i dont seem myselg anymores....what should i do.....haiez.....life is really very complicated....e older u grow e more problems u're going to face....how much i wish to go back to e time when i'm loved n pampered...by anyone out there....hahas but it seems impossible....i'm a fortunate girl i know that myself....but i dont feel happy....because whatever i have doesn seem to be whatever i want to have....

it seems all my 19 years of life have been wasted on nothing.....i have gained only book knowledge n it seems real pathetic....until recently when i have started stepping into e working society that i have realised evrything is so fake out in that world....i dont understand why....maybe i've been too pampered till i've been living in my own world for too long....

how nice would it be if i'm able to suddenly become so damn smart n stop believing in what everybody says....now i dont know what i can believe n what it is that i cant anymores.....e people around me seems to be not truthful to me n it kinda makes me feel e painn....i've always feel that being honest is a form of respect for others....especially for ur loved ones....1 lie requires 10 lies to cover it up so whatever for??sometimes u have to really think properly before u carry out ur actions....i hate that feeling.....of having to believe it is e truth when i know it isn really so....

i really need a hug....a comforting hug not given out of pity or cause i want it....i had hope to be held on because i'm being cared n loved by that person in particular....but is it possible.....i dont want to hold on to something that will never belong to me in e end....regardless of whether it is in a relationship or a friendship or anything else....if e person doesn truly want to be with me i guess theres no point hanging on like that bahz....i dont want to be mentally torturred like this bahz.....

hahahas HAPPY BDAY JOAN.....i finally got 1 person's bday corect already....i promise i'll try very very hard to remember everybody's bday from todya onwards sorry to those i've forgotten i really didn do it on purpose e....=XX

~ { 23:20 }
marssh