fmmm forgot to mention...this thing has made mi soo soo unhappy sia....nus send mi reject letter!!!s0bs evn nursing also dun want mi....like this my dream of bcuming a nurse n wearing a nurse uniform can nvr nvr b fulfileed.....saddening rites....haiez..i initially tot they sending letter of approval who knoes...tsk tsk...

now i'm ntu engineering student!!hmmm i'm wondering shuld i stay in e hostel....evrybody's telling mi its damn fun n happening but e cost E COST!!haiez...

a new wk=a new beginning....yeah i guess i'll b real bz this whole wk le n i'm happy for i wun have time to hu si luan xiang anymores....=)) hmmmm but guilty sia now blogging instead of being in sch....was supposed to help uncle jackson sell drinks e but cudn get up despite setting my alarm clock shucks....sorry uncle....=x

schedule schedule:
mon-wed morn=go help uncle sell drink +)
thurs-sun=working I.T road fair....(i yest den knoe i working tgt wif sw!!but we belong to diff company e hahas)
mon nites=going for training for e road fair
tues=going facial
wed=going cut hair wif lingg n sw
sat nite=going late night shopping wif lingg n sw=DD (oh yahs lingg told mi sat nite at suntec got late nite shopping until ard 12 bahz....e shops will give discounts den hahas +GSS e discount i guess can buy save more$$$ le bahz LOL)
sun nites=happy hrs!!going pubbing wif lingg+sw+jas yeah....

hmmmm anybody else wanna pei mi go out mahz??we can go HAPPY HAPPY tgt worz....hahahas i guess this is e best way for mi to not think of him bahz....hahas yeah i'll forget him soon le!!=)

peggy+quizzY+yqq we can meet up go slack n eat icecream again arhs this time rd qq muz join us also arhs....kekes it'll b fun....ask more ppl along too....oh yahs if shifu's restaurant going to open soon we can go there to hang out too!!gd idea bahz hahas see i so smart lalala

joan i missing u alot.....when're we going for our kbox session??i miss e time we jump on e sofas(ooops) n wen siao tgt....i miss going out wif xj+ck+ah poh....r u going to leave mi alone mahz??n n n ur mahjong tiles still at my hm eh....its growing sharlot alr le...=x i dun like her to b in my rm hurry cum eh....

my mummy going canada soon le.....3wks!!!arrghhs she didn bring mi along....dun dare to ask her for it guess tics quite ex bahz dun want her to spend so much $$$ sia...but i guess i truly need a breal to mend myself tgt again bahz...hahahas lucky lucky mi....laogong they all going to cum ovr my house camping!!yeah....hmmm but like this e hua i needa quickly pack my rm le sia....so so damn messy....dun mind my rm arhs ahhas if too many ppl u all can slp on e floor arhs....i'll clean it nice nice wahahahs....

hmmm needa go down help uncle le....byebye!!=DD i wanna go out i wanna go out....siasn my nxt wk slots is fully empty....hahahas anybody wanna pei mi at nites mahz??we can go watch late nite movies...or go beach sit ard slack ard n do nth or we can go get supper!!yeah

today morn went out early early....1st went find lingg den wait for her fang gong....after tat sw arrive den went shopping+eat+slacking at coffee bean....talked alot...seems like alot of stuffs has happen to all of us....r/s probs=stoopid stuffs...sians....haiez....hahas while chatting over dinner we sud saw fireworks!!!pics aren clear but tats e best i can do.....hahas it was beautiful really really wonderful...at tat moment my heart sud felt btr alittle....

yahs i'm okay tried to b but still i love their company...thanks gals...but jas went mia...r u okay??wat happened y didn u ans our calls nor rply our msg??lingg think carefully....dun make any decision tat u'll regret....but if u really cant take it i guess dun waste ur time le....sw treasure him bahz...if he's really a gd guy dun let go of him....

i dreamt of him again...e dream was sweet at 1st but after tat he left mi in my dream....too...i was so sad i woke up....another slpless nite too....for all 8 nites i dreamt of him w/o fail...n it makes mi wake up crying after tat i'll b unable to slp le....it feels bad i'm tired really tired....

hmmm on e way hm e other eugene called mi....chatted wif mi say alot of stuffs...he said he likes mi hahas dots....its not this eu tat i wanted....not u...once bitten twice shy i guess i wudn believe any of u guys e words le....it hurts too much...being played once is more den enuff....i dun neeed it a sec time....

today marks our 1 wk e breakup....

"Everyone told me it wouldn't last, that one day we would go our own separate ways. I didn't listen. They told me I would only get hurt and I shouldn't stay.. I still didn't listen. But now, as our relationship is ending, I really wish that I would of listened to my friends, because if I did, I wouldn't be hurting like I am now."

"A thousand words couldn't bring you back, I know because I've tried. Neither could a thousand tears, I know because I've cried. You left behind a broken heart and happy memories too. But I never wanted memories, I only wanted you."

"I want to be happy because he is happy. But how can I be happy knowing that I'm not the one making him smile?"

"I hear his name and shiver. His voice reaches my ears and my heart breaks. I'm empty and alone and the only one who can comfort me is the only one who does not care."

i'm pissed n i'm angry n i'm sad n i feel so fustrated.....i wanna go out!but my key is lost....now i'm all alone cooped up at hm unable to go out to do my thing....i'm real angry...dunno which stoopid idiot went to take my kep out....arrrggghhhsss!!!!!i'm not in a gd mood today....haiez....com giving mi prob summore....cant sign in msn internet use halfway cant use stoopid day....no show to watch at hm i'm rotting!i dun wanna stay at hm alone....i'm scare of being at hm alone....nobody understands tat.....damn..

-----------------MARCH BABY --------------------
Attractive personality. sexy. Affectionate Shy and
reserved. Secretive. Naturally honest, generous
and sympathetic. Loves peace and serenity.
Sensitive to others. Great
kisser. Easily angered.
Trustworthy. Appreciative and returns kindness.
Hardly shows emotions. Tends to bottle up
feelings. Observant and assesses others.

hmmm saw this n seems fun so decided to post it....hahas i cant b posting sad stuffs all e time anyways....but it doesn seem to true for mi though....i dun alwaz get wat i want....hahas but i'm faithful e horz...anyways enjoy..=)

..:VIRGO:. The Virgin
Dominant in relationships. Sexy. someone loves them right now. Freak in bed. Always wants the last word. Caring. Smart. Intellectual. Attractive. Loud. Loyal. Easy to talk to. Hard to forget Love at first sight. Everything you ever wanted. Easy to please. The one and only. Ultimate sexiness..

..:SCORPIO:. The sex addict
Can be mean. EXTREMELY sexy. Intelligent. Energetic. Predict future. Most erotic. (Freak in bed.) (GREAT kisser.) Always get what they want. Sexy. Attractive. Easy going. Loves being in long relationships. Talkative. The sexiest ever....Romantic. Caring..

..:LIBRA:. The lame lover
Very pretty. Very romantic. Nice to everyone They meet. Their Love is one of a kind. Silly, fun and sweet. Have own unique sexiness. Most caring person you will ever meet! Amazing n Bed..!!! Did I say Amazing in Bed? not the kind of person you wanna #### with... u might end up crying.... the most irresistible..

..:ARIES:. The Liar
Outgoing. Lovable. Spontaneous. Not one to #### with. Erotic. Funny. Take you on trips to the moon in bed. Excellent kisser EXTREMELY sexy. Loves being in long relationships.=) Addictive. Loud. best in bed..

..:AQUARIUS:. Does it in the water
Trustworthy. Sexy. Great kisser. One of a kind. Loves being in long-term relationships. Extremely energetic. Unpredictable. Will exceed your expectations. Not a Fighter, But will Knock your lights out. Amazing in bed, THE BEST LOVERS BETTER THAN EVERYONE!

..:GEMINI:. Does Twosomes
Nice. Love is one of a kind. Great listeners Very Good in bed. Lover not a fighter, but will still knock you the #### out. Trustworthy. Always happy. Loud. Talkative. Outgoing VERY FORGIVING. Loves to make out. Has a beautiful smile.. Generous. Strong. ULTRA SEXY. THE MOST IRRESISTABLE.

..:LEO:. The Lion in bed
Great talker. Sexy and passionate. Laid back. Knows how to have fun. Is really good at. Great kisser. Unpredictable. Outgoing. Down to earth. Addictive. Attractive. Loud. Loves being in long relationships. Talkative. Not one to mess with. Rare to find. Good when found..

..:CANCER:. The Cutie
MOST AMAZING KISSER. Very high ### appeal. Great in bed!!! Love is one of a kind. Very romantic. Most caring person you will ever meet! Entirely creative. Extremely random and proud of it. Freak in bed. Spontaneous. Great tellin stories. Not a Fighter, But will Knock your lights out if it comes down to it. Someone you should hold on to..

..:PISCES:. The Piece of ass
Caring and kind. Smart. Center of attention. Too Sexy, DAMN IT. Very high ### appeal. Has the last word. The best to find, hardest to keep. Fun to be around. Freak in the sheets. Extremely weird but in a good way. Super good in bed. Good Sense of Humor!!! Thoughtful. A partner for life. Always gets what he or she wants. Loves to joke. Very popular. Silly, fun and sweet.

..:CAPRICORN:. The passionate Lover
Love to bust. Nice. Sassy. Intelligent. Sexy. Predict future. Irrestible, awesome kisser. Loves being in long relationships. Great talker. Always gets what he or she wants. BY FAR the BEST in BED. Very sexy. Coolest. Loves to own Gemini's in sports. Extremely fun. Loves to joke. Loves to be your first. So you'll never forget. Smart..

..:TAURUS:. The Tramp
Aggressive. Freak in bed. Rare to find! Loves being in long relationships.=] Likes to give a good fight for what they want. Extremely outgoing. Sexy as ......... Loves to help people in times of need. Outstanding kisser. Very funny. Awesome personality. Stubborn. Sexual as ......... Most caring person you will ever meet! One of a kind. Not one to #### with. Are the most sexiest people on earth!

..:SAGITTARIUS:. The Sexy one
Spontaneous. Horny. Freak in Bed. High appeal. Rare to find. Great when found. Loves being in long relationships. The one. So much love to give. Not one to mess with. Very pretty. Very romantic. Nice to everyone They meet. Their Love is one of a kind. Silly, fun and sweet. Have own unique sexiness. Most caring person you will ever meet! Amazing in Bed..!!! Did I say Amazing in Bed? Not the kind of person you wanna with you might end up crying.

我想要说
如果没有了你
我该如何往下走
那一秒钟有没有发现我
倔强里的问候
怎么劝我放手
在这一切之后
整夜的风冷得我手颤抖
你在温暖的那头
熟悉路口再一次的路过
等在那角落的人已不是我

----------------------------------------

蔡昮佑-我可以

寄没有地址的信
这样的情绪有种距离
你放着谁的歌曲
是怎样的心情
能不能说给我听

雨下得好安静
是不是你偷偷在哭泣
幸福真的不容易
在你的背景有我爱你

我可以陪你去看星星
不用再多说明
我就要和你在一起
我不想又再一次和你分离
我多么想每一次的美丽
是因为你
-----------------------------------------------

tank-给我你的爱

等待一点一滴你对我感到安心
感觉朋友关系有了新的默契
便利商店里谁也买不到
我们最想要的东西
只握在喜欢的人手上

给我你的爱让我陪着你去未来
给我你的爱手拉着手不放开
就算宇宙爆炸海水都蒸发
只愿你的记忆里有我的拥抱

我的最大幸褔是发现了我爱你
灵魂有了意义用每一天珍惜
便利商店里谁也买不到
我们最想要的东西
只握在喜欢的人手上

给我你的爱让我陪着你去未来
给我你的爱手拉着手不放开
就算宇宙爆炸海水都蒸发
只愿你的记忆里有我的拥抱

雨和天空也有相爱的可能
望着你的微笑情不自禁
给我你的爱让我陪着你去未来
给我你的爱手拉着手不放开
就算地球毁灭来不及流泪
只愿你的记忆里有我的拥抱
------------------------------------------

小丑鱼
我在你身边游来游去我不敢出声看着他亲吻你
眼不能闭看你的唇印还在那里你隔着玻璃所以听不见我在叹息
说不出口的秘密永远活在小小的世界里
仅存一点稀薄的氧气是否够我继续撑下去
这件脱不下来的外衣还是你喜欢的橘我不能确定
是否你曾经注意我的眼泪流在透明的水里

★ lady lady one more try 再试着了解我的爱
发不出声音的感慨选择作朋友的无奈
lady lady one more try 提醒我何时该走开
只要你偶尔想起来我就住在那片海

等我转过身看你眼神才知道自己想得太过天真伤得太深
爱来的时候划破沉闷我早该知道你终究不是我该爱的人
黑暗中两眼无神夜里不再为我开盏灯
始终不敢将爱说出口当然没有资格去竞争
恋爱和失恋同时发生怪自己枉费青春
我输得彻底把脸深埋在水里面却还要演好这一场戏(repeat ★)

那片海眼看就要让我愈来愈远回不来
从此你的不愉快那么遥远谁听你埋怨
再说一遍说一遍 ya...我在你身边给你一点点愉快就
会心甘情愿回到大海
lady lady one more try 再试着了解我的爱
发不出声音的感慨选择作朋友的无奈
lady lady one more try 提醒我何时该走开
只要你偶尔想起来我就住在那片海那片海
-----------------------------------------------------------------------

蔡昮佑-我想要说

看着右手被撕裂的伤口
爱好像曾经停留
而我左手按下号码之后
那首属于我的歌不再播送

默写你的爱过
坦承自己脆弱
对白怎么说
表情才不难过

我想要说
我想要说
如果没有了你
我该如何往下走
那一秒钟有没有发现我
倔强里的问候
怎么劝我放手
在这一切之后

整夜的风冷得我手颤抖
你在温暖的那头
熟悉路口再一次的路过
等在那角落的人已不是我

默写你的爱过
坦承自己脆弱
对白怎么说
表情才不难过

我想要说
我想要说
如果没有了你
我该如何往下走
那一秒钟有没有发现我
倔强里的问候
怎么劝我放手
在这一切之后

hmmm yest nie typed out 1 super long extry wanna publish post stoopid blogger say error occur den have to retype evryting now....sians...

22nd may:
finally received my pay le....but have to wait till fri or sat den can cash in e cheque....haiez hope i will b able to get e money n e cheque wudn bounce.....after settling e 'payments' maomao they all came up clear balance den i joined them in drinking....initially they wanted to go off after clearing their balance e but den my stoopid sis went back to help them work again den we all stayed awhile to pei her....anyways i was waiting for sum1 to meet up after tat so ok lorz stay for awhile since i have no other place to go alr....opened another bottle of chivas i think e liquor is fake e cant taste e alcohol at all....shit

i drank quite alot too until i started to vomit le...but i wasn drunk n i was feeling bad tat i didn get drunk.....it i had gotten drunk i wudn b feeling e pain anymores....at least b free from it for awhile....1st time went up there as a customer...in e past alwaz i serving other ppl but tat day i got to sing n drink w/o having to work....hmmm but e bosses attitude towards us changed 360 degrees mayb coz they wanted us to go back to work....in e past when we complain no more mixers left they wud ask us go buy n den we have to carry all e heavy heavy stuffs but tat nite when my sis said tat he offered to go buy it sia....hahahs so fake...

he finally msg him he reached hm at abt 2plus den i st went ovr his place le....yahs i knoe i shuldn b doing so but i really missed him too much i cudn control it myself....really felt like seeing him so badly...we were supposed to b watching show e but in e end went to slp coz too late le bahz....

he was slping so soundly but i didn dare to slp much....coz i was so afraid to fall aslp n missed e chance to look at him so closely for e last time....hhas vry drama rites...juz lay bside him n watch him slp den until wo ye bu zhi bu jue slp le....he simply looks so cute hahas n he was still e sweet guy i've known him to b....he gave mi him blanket n helped mi to cover up....hahas mayb to him it was juz a kind gesture but to mi it means alots....at tat moment my heart flinched for a few times....coz i wanted him so badly but he's nvr gonna cum back anymore....i felt guilty too making him feel cold in e middle of e nite coz i took e blanket....hahas

i guess e feeling was quite excruciating den yet my heart still managed to smile alittle....i really thank god for giving mi this 1 last chance to spend e nite wif him but still my heart felt terrible for i knoe this is nvr gonna happen again....n e person lying nxt to mi den is a fren not my guy anymore....i wanted to simply hold him tight n nvr let go but i knoe its impossible....soon he'll belong to sum1 else n i'll have to give him my blessings bahz....hahas

23rd may:
after we woke up we spend e whole afternoon watching <<转角遇到爱>>...shud i say i totally enjoyed evry moment i was wif him....didn manage to finish e whole show n i guess i'll have to watch e ending myself alr bahz....hahas..........e song is simply so nice.....after tat he pei mi go eat dinner den i went off myself le.....

didn wanna go back hm....so went to tpy nearby e park to slack....haiez e nite was really beautiful....but it wasn complete w/o him ard....i guess it's hard to let it go bahz evn though i trul wanted to do so badly coz i didn wanna keep thinking of him like this it hurts too much alr....started to really think alot of e past again....hahas it was really diff having to pretend to b frens when i still long for him so much.....but i still had to contain myself den.....smiling was diff enuf le there was a few times i really felt so much like crying out loud but i knoe i cant....at least i did myself proud for not crying infron of him....hahas

sat down do nth n stare into e pond for dunno how long i think more den 2hrs bahz....e nite was cold real cold but i felt evn colder.....by den i really cried....i guess it was still bearable for mi in e morns bahz when i have stuffs to do or ppl to hang out wif....but when it cums to e nite my mind will auto start to feel despair n tears will flow by themselves....it isn wat i had wanted but i cun control myself at all....yahs now i'm really afraid of being alone in e dark alr.....

2nd time wo really miss a person till so jialat.....mayb i'll b able to find a btr person....of coz but still i guess e feeling might not b e same bahz....mayb like wat uncle jackson said....sum ppl simply dun have e love luck....whenevr they truly loves sum1 they wudn b able to last with them.....i guess i belongs to this cat bahz...i've tot i'm really so fortunate this time rd e guy loves mi n i truly loves him too but i guess it was simply another joke played on mi again bahz....hahas may i'm destined to stay wif a guy whom i dun really love at all....mayb....yahs dun worry he's still my fren....i'll cont to treat him so....at least in fron of him....dun worry no matter how much i love him i wudn show it out so often anymore....life still has to go on i understand....this time rd no matter how many hands r held out to pick mi up i guess i'll still have to stand up on my own.....hahas though i still have hopes for him back but i'll still treat myself well e....=) n dun scold mi for it'll only make mi hate u at this moment of time....

非你莫属


<白>:你知道吗?☆
我很喜欢牵着你的手的感觉☆
发生什么样子我好希望再来一次☆

懂得让我微笑的人
再没有谁比你有天份
轻易闯进我的心门
明天的美梦你完成

整个宇宙
浩瀚无边的尽头
每颗渺小星球
全都绕着你走

爱我非你莫属
我只愿守护
由你给我的幸福
爱我非你莫属
也许会笑着哭
但那人是你所以
不怕苦
☆o0o0o0o0o0o☆

爱我非你莫属
我只愿守护
由你给我的幸福
爱我非你莫属
也许会笑着哭
但那人是你所以
不怕苦
那人是你所以
不怕苦...
0o0不怕苦☆...

hmmm starting to feel tired alr mayb will b able to go to slp tnite bahz....yest after blogging went to prepare to go out alr....didn feel like staying hm at tat moment....haiez didn knoe whether to feel glad or irritated tat ppl keep asking mi to go out....feel like being alone but i'm afraid of being alone....went down to X's chalet yest nite at jurong....went there only slack nth else to do....made mi sort of quiet through my whole stay there....watch tv+look at e gal making her present for sum1...i think she also broke up wif her guy on e same nite as mi....tats y tried to help her in her present making.....believe its for her ex bahz...haiez finally went to slp at ard 5plus but e rm was so cold i kept waking up e whole nite trembling....den tot of how nice it was if he were to b by my side....hahas

had to get up early this morn so left e chalet at 9plus went back to sch help uncle jackson sell drinks.....time really did pass vry vry vry vry slowly when u want it to b fast....damn it seems as though i had stayed there for 1 whole day but only stayed till 3plus den cum back le.....it was quite sians initially coz no ppl hmmm made mi started hu si luan xiang agains arrgghhsss......cudn ctrl myself le i msged him this morn.....didn expect him to rply back e but still we chatted for awhile bahz....mayb he's juz tryign to b nice to mi guess so bahz....dun pity mi for i dun deserve any n i dun need any too.....i knoe i stand no chance but still tryign to hold onto tat little hope of mine.....soon i guess my bubbles will b burst....hahas

haiez for now really wish i'll kena car bang or bang my own head on e wall n suffer from amnesia or concussion now so tat i'll forget evryting....evryting tat has happen.....for it seems my STM doesn seems to b helping mi a all for now....none of e memories have slip out from my mind yet.....felt so much like going down to wait for him fang gong like last time.....days wif him is simply sweet n nice....days w/o him is torturous though i'm still glad to have frens by my side bahz....but still i guess e feeling is quite diff bahz....

arrrggghhhsss stoopid gal big big stoopid gal gal!!!i'll b happy e!at least infron of evrybody i will b strong n i wun cry le!!!

didn get to slp well again....haiez weather's not helping mi at all....tried to fall aslp at 3plus but got up again a few times....finally got up at 10am den went out....went back to sch to get my cert after tat went town to collect joan's vest den to amk to see caiyu's doc....now nowhere else to go so had to cum hm again....

i tried to smile today alr.....i told myself canot b sad today but still i will bu zhi bu jue think of him n e smile is gone alr....now den i realise how tough it is to smile when ur heart is crying.....hahas

nearly send him morn msg when i woke up this morn hahas luckily i managed to stop in time otherwise i guess he'ss confirm find mi a bother...hahas till now it seems diff to accept e fact that we're no longer tgt alr.....today is e 2nd day le but wo fang bu xia still.....

"转角遇到爱" saw this disc when we were at kino earlier on reminds mi he said will wait for mi to watch e show tgt e....haiez makes mi heartache....juz now kept taking out ph to look not to see any msgs or wat but coz i miss him.....his face on my dp makes mi happy n at e same time upset....hahas confusing rites i think so too....cudn get to eat much today too....went to eat at sakura thai restaurant food was quite ok i guess i might b able to eat more if i weren feeling so lousy bahz hahas.....but i still managed to finish my portion of food....now evn chocs doesn seems to tempt mi at all....hahas

heng he doesn knoe abt my blog otherwise i guess he might laugh at mi for being so stoopid bahz or otherwise feel fan of mi hahas.....haiez i miss his singing n i miss his company...to tell e truth i miss evryting abt him but i guess he doesn feel anything anymore le bahz......juz like wat joan said if he really does ask mi back i confirm will patch but it isn really worth it bahz....hahas but still i juz love him so much bahz....really wish so much to contact him again....to watch show tgt again in e nites bfore slping....n to feel his warmth slping in his arms....haiez

i'm sad vry vry sad....i shuld b happy e if he had not asked for a breakup...i finally quitted tat sucky job last nite n i had so much wanted to tell him abt it...to mi it is a gd news coz dun needa see ppl i dun like n i'll have more time for him le....summore dun need to keep giving guys my no which i really really find it irritating when unknown ppl started msging mi n asking abt my personal life....i didn want him to misunderstand mi e tats y i had really wanted to get outta job e coz of him....pay is sucky yep n boss is sucky but main reason is coz of him...

i had initially tot evryting will b find le....tot we cud start afresh as a happy couple...but evryting's gone wrong again n i believe this time rd theres no chance for us to reconcile anymore.....i totally miss him like hell...so much such that i myself dunno wat to do...hahas ridiculous rites...

evryting was fine e i dun understand y in a matter of 1 or 2 days things can change so fast....i promised myself not to b sad if it does happens again but i failed...to tell e truth i loved him more den i did now compared to when we juz started.....

he confessed e other time of his past r/s le though i was really upset that he actually lied to mi in e 1st place but i had totally forgiven him n juz like wat he said i also hope we can go on happily like other ppl...but when i was ready to commit he ended my hope n happiness....all in juz 1 msg.....

last nite after work i had initially wanted to go down to his house hahas but i didn coz i still haven recover from my hangover n had more drinks that nite....didn want him to had to wake up n see mi in such a pathetic state....mayb if i had gone over evryting wud have been diff....evry sun also no work e i had wanted to go down his workplace pei him fang gong den after tat spend sum time tgt....juz his presence can really make mi feel so xing fu but now hahas....

cudn get to slp last nite had woke up real early hopping all was juz a bad nitemare n i'll make up from this stoopid dream....but he seems determined to break up this time le....mayb i had done sumting wrong?mayb he is feeling that i'm not serious abt us coz i'm alwaz msging other guys??he say he still love his ex....but it seems like an excuse to mi....i truly didn wanna believe that...y cant i b e gal in his heart anymore....our love span can really last till now mahz??

he said bfore wat happened in e past was alr past le wat matters now is e future we have....i had really wanted this future e....i totally didn mind any mistake he did in e past anymore alr....but y...this time rd i still hadn had e chance to say i dun want it to end like this....i really really dun want.....to him it may b juz another fling bahz but to mi i'm serious.....darly was e 1st guy who made mi really love him alot n u're e 2nd guy....though i've had past r/s bfore n all lasts longer much much longer den this i didn really feel e way i did now....i knoe holding onto sum1 who doesn feel anything more for mi is useless but i can only hope....n wish tat 1 day u'll actually feel how much i practically loves u...it all seems to b big talk but i dun think my heart will ly...after daryl my heart hadn felt that kinda pang anymore until yest.....

whole day cudn eat anything cudn get back to slp nor cud i get my energy n mood back to do anything.....no i didn went to drink i'm sober now n i didn cry e whole day but tears still fall down by itself evry now n den for nth....i felt vry painful n numb other den that i really cudn feel anything else le....stayed at hm in e morn start thinking nonsense talk nonsense also made mi feel stoopid....thats y i got out hoping that fresh air will help mi....but it didn....evrywhere was couples holding hands n so sweetly in love wif 1 another....made mi think back evn more...though only a short 1 mth but e memories r real sweet n pain cums haunting mi again...

i m real lost now...confused of wat i shuld do now....how shuld i cont now....i quitted e job=evn have e time to think abt him at nites....haiez i'll b fine....soon...

he's cum clean wif mi...but....can i trust him this time rd??

i dunno....

okays 1 doubt cleared....juz as wat i've tot i've guessed it rites alr....evryting's been a ly from e beginning so i shuld not b offended no matter how it goes i'll b strong e....m i thinking too much or does it seems more lys r being told to mi now...hahahas

boss say 'u;re stoopid!y do it again....nxt time u cry i confirm will laugh at u!'

hahahahs now i'm not sure whether e fire will sud bcum too strong n burn my fingers or whether it'll start to warm mi instead....i truly hope this fire will bring mi warmth instead of causing hurt to mi....though evryting seems to prove it to b a hugh mistake....

juz like wat suwen said in her blog "you can never understand a person until you understand her lies.
Lies tell you more about a person than the truth does. Lies tell you what a person wants to be, rather than what they are." so true....n talking abt this i uncovered too many lies that have been told to mi....all these have made mi totally confused....i dun like ppl to ly to mi...if it were sum kinda white lies i might still b able to accept but if a person lies to mi juz to cheat on mi i think i might not really b able to forgive tat person bahz....

telling lies seems to b a form of disrespect...especially if e ly is being told deliberately....to b cheated of one's feelings is a vry terrible thing n i dun think anybody shuld do tat....i admit for myself i get hurt vry vry easily....its juz my char n i'm not e kinda person who's able to really open up so easily except to ppl i've known for a vry long time....haiez sum stuffs r difficult to b said out loud n has to b kept deep in....

he asked mi this qn today....'do u think a person's past or future is more impt?'i ans both....sum might say future of coz is more impt den a person's past but do u really think so??if 1 day u knoe tat e person nxt to u have done vry terrible stuffs in e past do u think u'll b able to juz say 'oh ok its all in e past forget it' n pretend u dunno anything abt this n cont to treat him as per normal??yah mayb if he hasn done anything terrible onto u...but wat if he commited tat act on u n its not sumting u're able to reconcile coz of ur own principles?do u think at this time u'll still b able to accept his past n pretend nth of e sort has happened?for mi when tat happens i believe a person's past will matter alot to mi....but if a person is really willing to change for e better i'll of coz give him a chance provided he will really change....if not tsk tsk no choice....

haiez so much happened this whole wk....think too much i think white hairs really cum out le...cham alr sia needa go dye hair again to cover it up arrggghhss....i wanna cut hair wanna buy present for my mummy n for him....hmmmm no pay=no money=have to rob to buy my stuffs sia.....jialat...i want my perfume lahz...stoopid got ppl give LF perfume yest lahz den she die also dun wanna share wif mi....sooo selfish...hmmphf nxt time buy liao dun let u use mine den u knoe arhs....=x

JOAN QUAH SHU JUAN I MISS U ALOT EH....WHEN U GOING TO GO ON A 1-1 DATE WIF MI AGAIN!!!!ALWAZ GO OUT WIF MY LAOGONG U WANNA GOU YING HER IZIT.....

life is a scam....i had tot tat evryting in life is plain n simple...ppl shuld b truthful to 1 another n there shuldn b any guards put up against others....mayb i was wrong...life doesn seems as simple as it looks like....n evrybody ard seems to b hiding bhind their own masks concealing their true self....hmmm life wud indeed b so complicated if evryting were to b a lie....mayb like wat my mum said trust no 1 except urself...

i found out sumting....a vry vry vry big ly told upon mi....n it seems tat i've been so much of an idiot n too simple minded gal alr...lingg u shuld knoe arhs....hahahas shuld i laugh or cry at myself for being so stoopid....is it considered gd or bad to b so gullible??

i have no wish to fend myself from anybody especially those ppl whom i've known those who've came into my life regardless of whether they're frens or buddies or evn lovers....n i hope vry much they'll not make use of this n cheat on mi instead....

we got back tgt le...n i'm fine alr.....=DD but till now i still dunno wat e heck happen juz knoe sum gal came n took him away from mi for 2 days...these 2 days was hell for mi....haiez but i believe if there's really a 2nd time i will choose e other route alr....tat is to give him up bahz...mayb tat's a much wiser choice...my mum scolded mi for getting back...said its not really worth it...haiez see how it goes bahz...

yest was real shit stoopid customers....2person came to open 5btls of martel...jialat lorz....guan zui my sis den i had to work all alone...after tat its my turn to drink....yah i got drunk too but still cud walk....hmmmm fight broke out in my pub...1 of my boss fought wid his gf not quarrel eh is hit his gal.....jialat sia didn knoe wat happen in e 1st place i only saw them struggling den e gal fell to e floor infron of mi....i bcame sober all of a sud of coz went to help her up but after tat they cont fighting....e guy's specs broke...n i cud see tears in her eyes...she was also drunk at tat moment...haiez police came after tat n we all left early....poor thing...i hope i wun meet such a guy....

received his msgs...dunno whether i shuld b happy or evn more upset wif it....it seems as though nth has happened but still nth is e same anymore.....i;m tired...i knoe i'm not a strong gal tats e way i m....

juz came back from work fucking boss damn ass today...no pay again+keep making us work till so late....i'm not trying to b racist here but after working for him i've really developed a dislike for indians alr....coz he's 1...he kept deleting my customers' songs damn it....dunno wats his stoopid prob...mind kept thinking n thinking juz now in e transport....but abt wat i dunno....seems to b thinking abt nth think my brain is going dead soon....

getting sick alr....think cried too much till my nose now block le n my throat starting to hurt haiez.....i didn touch any liquor today....coz i promised him i wun drink today le....hahas stoopid gal rites so many ppl kept singing e song he sang for mi....e pub played his song when i juz reached n laid down my bag.....after tat sum customer also sang it when i was sitting down waiting for him to rply....but it nvr came anymore....coz he's back hm alr...

haiez i feel like such a bitch now.....trying to hold on to him evn though he's now sum other gal's guy alr....i shuld stop all these nonsense rite??otherwise he'll b e 1 feeling evn more terrible bahz....didn wanna make him vex e it hurts mi too....but it does occur to mi....is it all true?or mayb he's lying to mi....

haiez i'm meeting him tmlo get back my stuffs pray hard hard e tears will flow inside n not out in fron of him bahz....dun wanna make him evn more fan le....=x

oh gosh pls slap mi n wake mi up from this stoopid nitemare....i had hope so much tat e moment i wake up i will b able to receive ur msg saying this is all a game juz a joke u're playing wif mi n its not real....

e hangover is really getting to mi....now having e dizzy spell n nausea sensation....hahas e moment i woke up e 1st thing i did was check my hp juz like e past few days....but 1 thing is diff today alr....theres no msg from u n there wudn b anymore morn msgs from u anymore too....yah yah e tears r here again...i didn tot i'll b able to make it through e nite....dun worry i'm not thinking of suicide juz tat time really passed too slowly alr....i cudn slp properly e moment i close my eys i dreamt abt u again....my pillows r still wet but they'll dry juz like how i'll run outta tears soon....i hope it does happen....

if this was a dream i hop god will let mi cum out of it immediately....but i guess its not...for e pain is still there....at this time i guess u're alr on ur way to work le....juz e tot of it makes my tears cum alr lahz....hahahs started thinking back again lahz how i usede to pei u go to work n wait for ur shop to open after tat stay inside n stand ard for awhile looking at u....i shuld have went to work wif u instead yest morn rites den mayb evryting wud have been diff alr....i really regretted....y didn i force myself to wake up juz for u yest morn....y y y....looking back at ur msgs i realise i've really been bad to u....bringing up e topic of breakup a few times rites den now i felt guilty making u upset den....but now u've brought it n its for real this time....

mayb i shuld really meet u tmlo n listen to wat u're gonna say to mi rites....but i knoe i confirm wun b able to let go of u if i were to see u den....i'm vry sure my tears wun stop flowing n i really dun want tat to happen in fron of u....dun wanna hold onto u only to get brush off....hahas watch too much dramas le horz...i missed u....

its been more den 12hrs alr....but my tears still cant stop its stoopid nonsense....not evn when i'm on my way to work nor at work nor evn when i'm on my way hm....all e road signs all e songs they play all these stoopid shit reminds mi of u....wat e fuck is this...nvr have i been crying for this long....my makeup was ruined my eys swell up like hell but wat to do....my tears cant b controlled...

i did drink alot today but how cum i still cant get drunk tnite??e nausea sensation is terrible but not as bad as how my heart is....my vision is still blur this time not only coz of my tears but also coz of my lens....mayb have been crying too much earlier on nth is clear in my path evn when there's no tears....i tot evrybody told mi a sad person will get drunk more easily how cum i'm still not knocked out yet?!!i still cant get to slp till now....as i m writing this entry tat song i got from u is playing in e back....e last song we heard tgt....though its only been a short period with u but thanx for e great memories....

i'm really missing u alot alot now....ur voice ur hugs n ur kisses....n juz evryting abt u....u didn have a choice i didn have e chance i juz blame god for letting mi knoe u.....if i had known such a thing will happen i wud rather not have known u at all....at least i wudn have to recall abt anything....i kept having stoopid tots....hahas when u told mi u got back wif her i evn tot of telling u i dun mind u cont our r/s juz to keep u by my side u knoe...yahs i knoe i;m vry stoopid rites...degrading myself rites haas

they're scolding mi stoopid for letting myself b so terribly shattered for a guy i've been wif for only less den a mth....esp since i've met u at a pub i shuld b called a real idiot...hahas mayb i m....i will get over it e....of coz i have to....no matter wat u wun cum back to mi anymore....i didn evn had e chance to tell u how much i really love u....but it doesn really matter alr rites hahas....dun understand how cum e more i laugh e more tears falls down...haas thanx guys n dun worry i'll b fine....by when??i dunno.

my vision was blur all of a sud.....all e way from sch till hm i cudn see e road in fron of mi properly.....he send mi a msg we've broken up....all for a reason which i dunno wat it is n he's not willing to say....

i'm hurt really really hurt totally this time rd....i've fallen in love more den i had tot.....it was only when he left tat i realise i really did love him so much.....wat can i do....i cant make him stay wif mi anymore....he said he didn want this to happen but is this fair??leaving w/o explaining n juz a couple of sorry wun help....i knoe u had ur reason mayb u're feeling vex now but i'm shattered ok...u've juz spend e nite watching show wif mi after which i felt so xing fu slping in ur arms....bfore u left u gave mi a kiss gdbye.....how wud i knoe it was supposed to b ur last kiss for mi....

u said u'll cum my house when u're free e i've evn started packing up my rm juz bcoz of u.....u said u missed hm cooked food...i've evn asked my mum to prepare to cook for u when u cum ovr....u said u wanna tie mi down e now i'm willing alr y r u leaving....

y did e stoopid radio have to keep playing so many ssad songs....how cum none of e songs i've heard is sumting happy e....y did they have to play e song u sang for mi....y did evryting have to remind mi of u....i didn knoe so many things can happen juz in only a couple of hrs.....from u leaving for work to bcuming u leaving mi....

tmlo is our 3 wks tgt n u've left mi here struggling with my feelings....i'm really shattered to pieces how much of this did u knoe....

hmmm now at his house using com...long time since i blogged...he's gone to work le heng sia otherwise i dun think i'll dare let him see my blog worz....so sians so much seems to have happened dunno where to strt writing...

yah we've made up since tat day...i finally knoe wat tat stoopid bastard said alr....so weird lorz dun understand wat he's planning to gain from saying such stuffs abt mi...he said i'm an easy target who anyhows give my no to all customers n tat i've evn met up wif customers after work!!this is really so ridiculous alrite...yah i do give my no but reason is so simple lahz...those who take my no calls mi when they wanna cum down for drinks ok not coz of any other stuff lahz...n pls other den my bfs i dun really meet up wif guys on a 1-1 date ok...ask my guy frens ard n u'll knoe lahz wat e hell is this...ok but we've alr clarify matters le n now we're fine except for 1 more matter....darn it our r/s seems so complicated sia....

yest this customer came down for a drink...n yah i knoe he knoes my bf long bfore i met him lahz...tats y i asked him wat kinda person eu is...tat qn was asked vry long ago e but tat time he avoided my qn n instead told mi alot yest....he's asking mi not to trust eu too much....he says eu is those kinda can easily attract gals e attention lorz...yah his pic doesn look tat great but he's those kind have to see real person den will find him cute e lorz....summore his singing damn zai lahz tats yevn i'm worried abt it myself....he can easily find a gal who's btr looking n has an evn btr figure den mi e lorz sumtimes i really wonder is it juz a game to him or wat...coz he got tired of pretty gals n want to try out a next-door gal like mi?

i've seen 1 pic of him wif a gal i believe is his ex gf bahz....dunno y i get e feeling he's not really feeling xin fu wif mi compared to her e....hmmm mayb i'm thinking too much bahz but i'm still uneasy....i remember during our quarrel he said this to mi tat made mi feel evn more insecure wif him....he said he's no lack of gals n he can easily find another gal....yah tat i knoe but evr since he said tat i felt evn worse...den plus wat tat customer said to mi yest jialat sia made mi started my drinking session again....e customer told mi to dun waste my time anymore n tat i shuld stop playing wif fire le bfore i really burn myself haiez i'm confused...he's really gd to mi or is it really fake??how to find out lahz arrgghss...

yest quarrel wif another customer sia made mi damn fed up n so pissed....not tat i wanna start e quarrel arhs yah i was drunk at tat moment alr but i'm still concious ok i still knoe wats happening ard mi...he was scolding his gal fren until so jialat lahz....at 1st i didn knoe e coz i was drinking wif my frens mahz....den my sis came ovr n ask mi to pull tat gal away lorz...pls lahz no matter wt happens a guy shuldn treat a gal like shit lahz...wat kinda guy r u if u really do such thing lorz u're a complete asshole only lhz...den he raised his voice at mi n told mi to get lost if i dun wanna get scolded too...oh wat f*** is tat lahz if u really dun wan mi to get involved u shuld have simply told mi n not yelled at mi lahz damn guy idiotic stoopid insensitive creature....so wat if u;re ddrunk it doesn give u any right to vent ur anger at those ard u ok....go hm n scold urself instead lahz wats this....den of coz is quarrel lahz den my sis n e boss came to pull mi away tell mi dun bother abt him he's drunk stoopid lahz....curse him to death sia....yah forgot to say he tried to woo mii few wks bfore n tat was coz my sis rejected him n he targeted mi instead den during tat period he was so damn shittty to my sis coz of e rejection he evn humiliated my sis infron of other customers...now he found out tat i'm attached n he's giving mi shit too....this kinda guy is so fucked up lahz...dunno how to take a look at urself in e mirror pls lahz i knoe i'm not pretty but u look evn more like shit den mi ok!so fuck off n understand tat mi n my sis r not born to let u humiliate us e ok!

enuf of tt idiot....hmmm ntu called mi down for interview yest le...but faculty of engineering eh damn it it was 1 of my last choice lai e....how sia n i seem to have screwed up e interview too...they asked mi qns n i really didn knoe how to ans them lorz....they asked mi abt myself but prob now is i dun evn knoe myself how do i tell u sia....haiez now can only pray hard n hope i can pass this....if not im real dead....evn nus e nursing also didn wan mi lorz....tat course is e 1 i'm most confident i can go e coz i believe not many wud wanna sign up for it sia now....i'm lost again....=x

oh yah yah this forgot to mention i went out wif peg n quizzy LOL go eat swensens n walked e whole of cwp hahahas i knoe i'm full of shit u 2 have to pei he mi so kelian sia hahahas....k lahz i had fun hope u guys too....peg sorry arhs pics have to wait i rarely use cim nowadays....=x