hmmm staying at home seems to be a waste of time....i guess i'll really need to find some stuffs to 'upgrade' my skills....seems to have wasted my past 6mths...2 more mths to go before school opens....to tell e truth i'm scared...scared of going to a new surrounding with no familiar faces around to see me through e start....everybody's taking a different route n i guess it'll be difficult to meet up if schedule gets busy....hmmmm but still a new ground=a new beginning....i guess meeting new friends might get me out from my heartahces....

spend the past few hours online searching for nothing....saw pictures of friends with their other half.....evrybody seems to be in bliss...how i wish i have the chance to do so too....maybe i'll get the chance in future but now it seems impossible for me to be experiencing such happiness....hahas like what others said i should simply go find another guy bahz....hanging onto someone whose heart is simply not with me seems to be a bother....or should i say more of a heartache...and it seems really pointless....i love him but does he feel the same towards me?having to share him with someone else is what i didn expect to....i've realised that time really is an important factor in a relationship....compared to the 2years they've been together,my 2months with him simply means nothing.....i guess at this moment i'm e barrier instead....if i give up will they be happier together?mayb i might too hahas....

'love is selfish' i saw this quote.....one heart can never be divided into 2....that's what i do believe....i guess in this life its really hard to find what we call true love....i've given my heart to 2 guys n both times all i got back in return seems to be shattered remains....i'm still trying to hang on now...for what?i'm unsure of it myself too....throughout this 2months,i've laugh n i've cried n he's the cause of it all....i've lost my confidence to love....both times when i've decided to give my all i've lost much more than i've expected myself to....a friend once told me 'love is a gamble,u must always prepare to lose'....hahas it seems so true but the more u lose the more unfeeling the society will become....for evrybody will never dare to love anymore.....this time round i've thrown all my chips in and i dont have the courage to wait for the answer because i know i'm going to lose all my hopes soon....

i'm strong this time round....i will not cry anymores...time will help me heal from my wounds....you'll never know how much pain and scars u've actually inflicted on me....i get the feeling i seem to be a toy...one which u'll play with when u're bored and leave at a corner when u're bored of it.....and throughout the whole process i do not have the ability to make any choice....

i realised one thing for sure.....dont ever say aomething which u dont actually meant....giving people false hopes is a serious sin....for it breaks their hearts even more when their hopes are dashed......when i say i love u i meant it....regardless of whether it is to a friend or to your other half i believe we've to be always true when we say it....i'm not a smart girl....u can say my thinking is so simple that sometimes people still regard me as a immature young kid maybe that's why i tend to believe whatever people say even when they're simply lies.....i know there're people out there saying i'm fake cause i hide my real feelings....but is it really wrong of me to do so??i bottle up because i dont know how to express....is that also wrong??hahas maybe it is....to those who're super confident of themselves they simply look down on people like us.....

hahas a long and uninteresting post rights....feeling emo nows....sorrys all LOL tomorrow nights going to uncle houes for dinner yeahs....luckily they changed it to tomorrow otherwise i'll reminded of my date with him which i supposed someone else is going in my place already....hahas meeting peg+quizzy+yqq+who else's going??on sun but sun need to go back early eh cause i'm meeting my dad to celebrate daddy's day.....been a long time since i saw him already so sorry girls needa go off in the evening yahs....keke i'm free on sat now....hmmm i think i m cant remember who i m meeting already....but it seems my memory is getting from bad to worse now....keep forgetting alot of stuffs....even mixed up friend's bdays...thought it was cliff's bday on the 13th but turns out his was on the 3rd!!arrrghhss den after that i thought oooh never mind i guess it was ruyee's bday then but hers was on the 16th!!shits man.....so whose bday it is actually on the 13th??!this i'm also not sure myself hahas....but i suddenly remembered sat=16th= our 2nd month together....hahahas okok i shall stop my nonsense or next time nobody going to read my blog le...T_T